Lucy and Ethyl Go to Olive Garden

My youngest and I have had all sorts of zany adventures together. We’ve had enough that I have considered us the Lucy and Ethyl of modern era.

Tonight is just one example.

We decided to go to Olive Garden for supper. We took her little boy, a sweet four month old named Abel. He was an angel, we had a delightful meal and walked out content and full. That should have been our warning.

As we walked towards my car, I felt something fall onto my head. I was wearing the front part of it pinned loosely back and that’s were the item fell. My first instinct was that it was a bug, but as I had just walked under a crepe myrtle tree in full bloom, I suspected it was just a spent bloom. However I wanted to make sure it wasn’t a bug.

In a concerned voice I asked Megan if she saw what fell into my hair. My daughter who is loaded down with twenty pounds of baby and bucket car set and fifteen pounds of diaper bag, gave a cursory look and said,

“No Momma, I don’t see anything.”

About that time we get to the car. I dig through my purse for the keys to unlock the door and I can’t find them. I look up and see the things on the console. That isn’t supposed to happen. I have a keyless lock system. Its been nothing but trouble since I got the car. It doesn’t recognize that the key is still there, I have to constantly put the fob to the button to reconnect, and something about the doors and the trunk triggers it all.

Thankfully my other daughter had returned my spare keyfob to me that morning, so I did not have to call a locksmith.

We get loaded and headed towards Megan’s house. A few minutes down the road, I felt something move in my hair.

“I swear there is something in my hair.” I tell her.

I ran my fingers through the pinned section where I had felt the tickle, and felt nothing. Megan, after a moment’s hesitation did the same w.h similar results. I concluded that I was just being paranoid as even phantom bugs have me jumpy.

We had just gotten to the part of the interstate near her exit that is a construction zone when I felt movement again. “I felt it. You sure there is nothing there?”

Megan looked. “No Momma there is nothing–Oh my god there is a bug in your hair!”

She reached over and swiped at the bug sending it sailing towards the back seat and where the baby and his car seat was strapped in.

“Fuck me in the ass, I just threw a bug on my baby.” She screeched in horror.

That’s when I started giggling relieved that the bug was not on me, not really caring where the damned thing was, it was not on me. Her repeating “I just threw a bug on my baby.” only had me laughing harder.

She twisted to look into the back seat area but couldn’t see the bug. It is a black interior and the bug is–black. When she recanted her sexual request, I laughed all the harder. I’d never heard her say that phrase before and I just found it hilarious. We were both giggling when we got out of the car once we got to her house, opened the back doors and looked for the bug. I didn’t see it, so got out the diaper bag. She didn’t see it so unbuckled the car seat.

That’s when she saw it, a couple of inches away from the seat belt buckle. “I found it, look.”

Sure enough there was a small bug, about as long as one of Abel’s little toes but not near as chubby. I thought it may be a flying termite. It can stay and roast to death in my car tomorrow, I thought. Megan reached in to get the baby out, then jumped back with a loud scream.

“It just flew at me!” She cried as she ran around the back of the car. “Its not on me. Look Momma Look.”

I looked, but darling daughter, I admit it was cursory. I didn’t want the thing back on me. She then wondered if it was on the baby or his car seat. We both got as close as we dared and tried to see if the bug was on the baby or the car seat. We didn’t see it so hoped it had made an exit.

As we walked back to the house, Megan joked. “Well, I guess there won’t be a second date.”

“Hell no.” I shot back. “I’m passing on the goodnight kiss too.”

We both laughed anticipating telling our adventure to Megan’s sister. Abel just stared at us. I wonder if he knows how odd we are yet.

Is there a bug up there?

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